Sandwich Monday: The Big King From Burger King

By Ian Chillag

Published December 2, 2013 at 1:44 PM CST

Burger King has copied McDonald's groundbreaking proprietary technology known as "stacking food on food."

Fast food, for the most part, is about huge, innovative leaps: the heat lamp, the KFC Double Down, the Wendy's Sentient Bacon Classic. But imitation has its place, too, and Burger King has unveiled the Big King, an unapologetic knockoff of McDonald's Big Mac.

Ian: This is a clear violation of copywrong.

Miles: You have to admit, this is exactly what America would utilize cloning technology for.

Robert, at this point, still thinks we're just eating Big Macs.

Eva: Isn't Big King what everyone called Elvis late in his career?

Ian: It's weird that we live in a time when this sandwich doesn't actually look very big. What was "Big" to our parents is, to us, "Something To Hold Me Off Until Lunch."

Robert: Yeah, I always thought it was weird that in chess, the king can only move one space. After eating this, I can totally relate.

Copying a sandwich is one thing, but the kid's meal came with a paperback of <em>A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius</em> by The Burger King. — Copying a sandwich is one thing, but the kid's meal came with a paperback of *A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius* by The Burger King.

Miles: This is the fast-food equivalent of your little brother following you around and repeating everything that you say.

Ian: Imitation is the sincerest form of fattery.

Peter wonders if maybe everyone around him has been replaced by a copy as well. "The words, the gesture, the tone of voice, everything else is the same, but not the feeling," he thinks.

Robert: I wonder if the people behind the McDonald's counter were suspicious when that guy in a crown showed up and ordered 5 million Big Macs?

Peter: I like to think that the Big Mac and the Big King were identical twins separated at birth, growing up in enemy kingdoms, and then right before they met, they were both eaten.

Miles: Forcing me to choose between two bland, indistinguishable things? I feel like I'm in the Twilight books.

[The verdict: If you're grading for accuracy, this really does taste like a Big Mac. It's a little sweeter, and the central bread is a little thick. Otherwise, the Big King proves that Burger King's reverse engineering department is as good as its creativity department is nonexistent.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me!