Shams Alkamil remembers the summer she spent in Egypt when she was 13 years old. It was Ramadan, but because she was on her period, she wasn’t expected to fast.
Still, she felt uncomfortable eating in front of everyone else.
“I remember ... I would hide my snack, like I don't want to eat in public around random strangers or on the public transport just out of courtesy,” Alkamil said. “But it was more of shame.”
Alkamil, who’s 27 now, grew up in a majority female household. Getting her period wasn’t a big deal — it was actually celebrated. But during the month of Ramadan, she said, it became something to hide.
“I think it was just modeling,” she said. “I didn't really see any moments where my mom, my aunts eat in front of men... at all during Ramadan.”
Women are relieved from fasting during Ramadan while they’re on their periods. It’s seen as a sort of relief during a physically grueling time. There are other exemptions for fasting in Islam -- like travelling, chronic illness, old age or not reaching puberty yet.
But eating and drinking when everyone else is fasting can make you stand out, said Liena Abdelwahab, an epidemiologist from Euless.
“I went to medical school in Sudan, and if you ever stopped and got water or stopped and got something to eat from, like a store... they would make fun of you, or they would question you or they would ridicule you for buying stuff,” she said. “It never kind of was accepted by the, I guess, the men side of things.”
Abdelwahab said these same men would be understanding that their wives could take time off when they’re home, but question other women outside the home.
She said a lot of that had to do with a lack of understanding – and a culture that avoids talking about periods.
“Because they've been raised a certain way, or because they've been told it's wrong and they don't understand, like what a woman needs or what it means for a woman to have that excuse,” she said. “So people tend to kind of hide or skip meals or shy away from it because they don't want to be judged.”
"I know that my mother and her mother were very like the stereotypical, ‘It's taboo. Don't talk about it.'"
UT Arlington student Hafsa Alikhan – whose family is from India – said it’s also generational.
“Since I did grow up in a different country than her, I know that my mother and her mother were very like the stereotypical, ‘It's taboo. Don't talk about it,’” Alikhan said.
Alikhan said she used to hide and act as though she was fasting when she was younger. She would have to ask her mother if she could eat and make sure her brother and father weren’t around. This was mostly due to culture and partly because of her family.
"Breaking your fast is the same thing. You got to act like, ‘I'm so hungry.’ You got to play the part,” she said. “Things like that makes you feel like you're not being yourself, which is not good.”
But it's slowly changing as younger generations become more open – and more educated.
Alikhan said she and her sisters taught their brother why they sometimes wouldn’t be fasting, though she admitted talking to her dad about these things is still difficult. She said her brother slowly started to get used to it.
“He's actually been very sweet,” she said. “He is like the type of brother to be like ‘Do you want anything? I'm going to the store, I can get you chocolate.’”
This is what the next generation needed, she said — to go from hiding from your brothers to them helping during a delicate time.
Reem Ramadan said there is still work to be done, at least when it comes to the Muslim men of her generation — Gen Z.
She grew up in a household where periods were treated as a normal biological process. It was a different story once she left her home.
“I think if also the men in our generation now are understanding of that, they'll feel less weird towards the topic,” she said. “Especially for their future wives or their future daughters too, you know, it's a good learning opportunity for them.”
Shams Alkamil, who’s now a teacher in Fort Worth, said she sees progress, but agrees more needs to be done to normalize periods – and eating during Ramadan.
“Just to make it more normal for the girl to feel comfortable, but also for a young boy growing into a man to see that it's not something he should tell a woman to hide or be ashamed of,” she said.
She doesn’t want younger generations to feel the shame she did when she was a teen.
“I feel like that should be the way because ... it's a natural thing,” she said. “It's as natural as being a human, to be honest.”
Olla Mokhtar is KERA’s news intern. Got a tip? Email Olla at omokhtar@kera.org.
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