Firefighter Jason Venzant still remembers the first time he saw a dead body. "March of 1997. That image never goes away," he said.
Firefighters see things that most people never will, but they don't always seek mental help to process what they go through.
"I've had my personal issues, to be honest, suicidal issues," said Venzant, who's been with AFD for 15 years, "and thank God I never did go that route."
In an interview with KUT News before his retirement, Fire Chief Joel Baker said that deaths by suicide in the Austin Fire Department were one of his biggest regrets.
"One day you're in the station with someone, y'all laughing, watching TV, joking, eating a steak and baked potato," Baker said. "And then you get a phone call, 'Man, he took his life.' What? We just sat down and ate bread together. What do you mean took his life?"
Coping with trauma
Firefighters rush into fires, are exposed to burning chemicals and save people who are trapped in cars.
In 2017, Venzant received a call about a young couple on a motorcycle who were hit by a drunk driver. The woman on the motorcycle, who had to have a leg amputated, was pregnant and lost her child. Her boyfriend died in the crash.
"I wasn't sleeping as well," Venzant said. "I noticed I didn't want to go in public as much, and I didn't really want to say a whole lot at work because there used to be a stigma of, 'If it affected you, you were weak.' … In my mind, I didn't want to be the only person to be affected by stuff like that and be seen as weak."
Venzant said he copes with work stress by going to the gym, but he couldn't shake it.
Dr. Celesta Taylor, a clinical forensic psychologist with the Austin Public Safety Wellness Center, said there's a cultural stigma in getting help for these experiences.
"They're accustomed to being the ones that show up to help other people," Taylor said. "And so it's not necessarily their first go-to to say, 'Hey, I'm the one that needs some help with something.' I think that's very challenging for a lot of them to do."
She said firefighters don't want to be perceived as weak by their colleagues and are scared that seeking help will affect their job.
A national study found that first responders, which include police and emergency medical services, have higher suicide rates than the general population.
KUT News submitted a public records request to the city of Austin for the suicide rates among firefighters. However, AFD does not track the number of suicides in the department, according to the city.
Taylor estimated there has been a death by suicide in the department every year for the last five years. The figure does not include members who had already retired, she said. An AFD spokesperson's estimate differed, saying there have been fewer than five suicides in the last 10 years.
Taylor was not able to say if there had been an increase or decrease in deaths by suicide.
In AFD, there are about 1,330 personnel in the department, according to the Texas Commission on Fire Protection. The wellness center is now trying to reach out to firefighters and educate them on mental healthcare before anything happens.
"A large part of that," Taylor said, "is providing what we would call psychoeducation to folks, which is basically saying, 'You just saw something that most people don't see, and so you are going to have what is a normal response to an abnormal event, and that normal response is gonna feel different from your baseline.'"
After the call involving the couple on the motorcycle, Venzant sought mental help and went to counseling after receiving a nudge from a former chief. He went one to two times a week for four years. As part of the therapy, he went back to the hospital and he walked through every step from the door of the hospital to the emergency room with the therapist. Then, he sat and contemplated his feelings until he felt comfortable.
The resources and number of therapists available are limited. AFD can connect its members to outside providers, but there are only two in-house staff psychologists.
Taylor is one of them. She said she currently has a four-week wait time to schedule new firefighters. According to a 2026 report by the city of Austin's Auditor Office, about 40% of firefighters said increased access to services would help with their mental health. And Venzant said that if there were a four-week wait time when he first sought help, he probably would not have gone.
Long shifts lead to strain
Firefighters can also work 24 to 48 hour shifts, according to Venzant. In the same 2026 report, 86% of firefighters who responded to the survey said better work schedules would help their mental health. Firefighters have to work holidays and mandatory overtime.
Venzant said he missed his kid's first steps, Christmas mornings and Halloweens. Missing those important family moments weighed on him.
"Sometimes they don't understand," he said. "But I know there were times with my son I had to say, 'Hey man, I'm not gonna be able to be there, but I'll make it up to you.' And you just do your best to try to make those times up. Sometimes, you don't get those times back."
The job also impacted his marriage. In 2016, Venzant said he and his wife divorced.
"There were times where I did come home and saw multiple deaths during my shift and tried to come home and talk to my ex-wife about it and the response I got was kind of one of, 'You chose that job, I don't know what you want me to say,'" Venzant said. "And it really hit big at that moment that I didn't have the support. And it just started to really, really fall apart after that."
Venzant said he's careful about who he opens up to, including family. But he said firefighters understand the long hours together at the station and know the toll the job can take.
Ninety-five percent of firefighters who responded to the survey for the 2026 audit said they felt their peers cared about them. The number drops significantly, to 21%, when asked if their chief and executives care about them.
Venzant said the trust between leadership and firefighters is getting better, but that the divide, among other things, came from leadership's slow response to cancer and suicide cases among firefighters and deteriorating stations and equipment.
Sixty-four people have contracted cancer since 2019 while working for AFD, according to data from a public records request.
A veteran firefighter also sued the city and won after she contracted Stage 4 endometrial cancer and was denied workers' compensation.
Role-playing with the peer support team
Lt. Xochitl Chafino is the peer support coordinator for AFD. She said while there is a dedicated Austin Fire peer support team, a lot of the firefighters reach out to each other over dinner, lunch and phone calls.
To learn more about how the support team works, I spoke with Lt. Brian Davis, who's been a part of the group since 2017. Davis said the group helps firefighters with things like addiction issues, relationship problems and burnout.
Davis gave a live example in a role-play, where I took the position of a firefighter dealing with relationship issues, with Davis listening and helping.
At first, in the role-play, he emphasized how appreciative he was of me reaching out and opening up to him. Then, he validated what I was feeling, saying, "What I am hearing is," or "I can tell you care."
It was like he was trying to make sure he understood without being too forceful in his assumptions. He also kept asking questions, and with each answer, he would follow up with more questions.
Davis then moved on to more concrete steps I could take to improve the situation. Since the role-play focused on relationship issues, he suggested a multitude of things like having a sort of couples therapy with him or with a counselor, and creating a list of actions to help me feel better. Finally, he recommended mindful and meditative apps that could help.
The final step was empowerment. Davis said he would help with scheduling an appointment with a therapist. "I'd let you do the dialing because that's part of you being empowered to do it, but you've got me to help walk you through that," he said.
In 2021, Venzant stopped going to therapy.
"One day it was like the windows just opened, the sun was shining much brighter, the sky was way more blue, the grass was that much greener, and it was just an 'aha!' moment of like, OK, I'm all right," he said.
The stigma of not reaching out is breaking down and changing, Venzant said. Nowadays, he feels like he can call anybody in his crew and they'd stop to talk and be there for him. Even his boss makes random calls and texts him to check up on him.
If you are struggling with mental health or suicidal ideation, call 988 or text "HOME" or "HOLA" to 741741.
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