SCOTT DETROW, HOST:
Losing a loved one is something almost everyone can relate to. Grief can be isolating. But for Jonathan Fielding's family, sharing that grief helped them find a way forward.
AILSA CHANG, HOST:
And just a note before we get into this story, it includes references to suicide.
MICHAEL FIELDING: I appreciate you doing this. We're happy to talk about it. Frankly, talking about him kind of helps with the healing process.
TAMMY FIELDING: Yeah, something positive.
DETROW: That is Michael and Tammy Fielding of Independence, Missouri. In the summer of 2023, their son, Jonathan Fielding, was taking pictures at Moonscape Overlook in south central Utah.
CHANG: He was capturing the stunning views when the cliff he was standing on gave way. Jonathan's death hit his sister Rebecca especially hard.
REBECCA FIELDING: He was always there for me and just always my person. And no matter what happened in my life, I knew that he was always there.
DETROW: Days after her brother's death, Rebecca drove from her home in Missouri to Moonscape Overlook.
R FIELDING: So when I went out there, it was actually the exact same spot that he had fallen from that I went to, and I was sitting on that exact ledge, and I couldn't make myself cry. As stupid and as illogical as it was, I felt like if I had died, he wouldn't have died. So that was kind of my mentality out there. It was just like, so much guilt and just hating the world and not wanting to be alive anymore. I just couldn't see myself living in a world that he wasn't alive in. Then when I was getting ready to jump off, I felt the sun on my back, and it felt like someone was there just hugging me. And in that moment, I just started to cry for the first time, 'cause I had been sitting on that cliff for about six hours.
CHANG: Instead of writing her own farewell letter to the world, Rebecca shifted to writing in a journal about her brother to share with anyone that came across the place where he fell.
(SOUNDBITE OF LORD HURON SONG, "MEET ME IN THE WOODS")
R FIELDING: I actually have a journal right here with me. So I just wrote, soul too pure for this world, a kid too fearless for his own good, a friend whose kindness knew no bounds, a son who could never disappoint, a brother whose love knew no limit, a person who left a Grand Canyon-sized mark on this world when he went. And I just wanted people to know that the world had lost a star in that spot.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "MEET ME IN THE WOODS")
LORD HURON: (Singing) I took a little journey to the unknown.
DETROW: Hikers passing by started writing in the journal, as well, letters to Jonathan, his family and to others likely to pass by in the future. Rebecca returned with another waterproof journal so more people could contribute. She posted a photo of the journal on TikTok, and it went viral.
(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)
DEVIN WOOD: So, yeah. My name is Devin Wood. I am from Kingston, New York. So interestingly enough, I had already been camping up there for, like, two days and had not noticed it. I was writing to Jonathan in the journal, and I had said that I just felt very connected to him in spite of never having met him. And I wrote about my mother. And then I found it interesting that, like, you know, his parents are somebody who lost a son. I'm somebody who lost a parent. So in that way, it's interesting because I wear this bracelet that has some of my mom's ashes in it whenever I travel.
And I had it up there that day. And I had told a friend of mine a few days before. I'm like, I wish I would have brought some more of her ashes 'cause this would be a beautiful place to spread some of them. And I discovered the day after I left that I lost the bracelet up there. And so now, in my mind, it's like that was her being like, listen, whether you like it or not, a piece of me is going to stay here. And that brings some kind of comfort to me.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "MEET ME IN THE WOODS")
LORD HURON: (Singing) The truth is stranger than in all my dreams.
CHANG: Jonathan's parents say people sharing their stories has helped them process their own grief.
T FIELDING: Almost every week, there's still somebody that will come up to me and say, hey, you don't know me, but I had this experience with Jonathan, and it's changed my life. It's made me want to be a better person. Or he came into my life right at a time when I was at my lowest, and he helped me through it.
DETROW: Jonathan Fielding was 19 years old. He was the fourth oldest of six children.
CHANG: And if you or someone you know may be considering suicide or is in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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