Rough Road for Military Families with Special Needs

As the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq rage on repeated deployments are taking a toll on military families. As service members fight overseas, spouses and children are often left alone to navigate the challenges that come with separation. It becomes even more difficult when a parent has a child with special needs. Texas Public Radio’s Terry Gildea profiles one military family trying to overcome some extraordinary obstacles.

November 11, 2009 ·It’s Saturday morning at the Griffitts household in San Antonio. In the kitchen, excitement mixed with the smell of pancakes fill the air.  Six year-old Isabella, four year-old Caleb and fifteen-month old Jackson gather around a laptop while their mom Jennifer waits for their dad to connect via Skype. 

“Okay, I’m going to put you on with the kids,” said Jennifer Griffitts.

“Hi Daddy,” said Isabella Griffitts.

“Hi.  What are you eating?” said Andrew Griffitts.

“Pancakes,” said Isabella Griffitts.

“Are you going to save me some pancakes?” said Andrew Griffitts. 

Jennifer urges the kids to fill dad in. 

“Why don’t you tell your dad about your report card,” said Jennifer Griffitts.

“I got three E’s and one S in music,” said Isabella Griffitts.

“Good job, monkey,” said Andrew Griffitts. 

Andrew Griffitts, a chief petty officer in the Navy, is in the middle of a long deployment in Afghanistan.  These once a week conversations are precious. His wife Jennifer tries to manage the household and take care of the three kids. Add to that, four-year-old Caleb has special needs. Jennifer spends much of her week shuttling him to therapists and doctors to help him overcome his physical and mental challenges resulting from several birth defects. 

“Torticollis. He can only move his neck so far.  It’s like a tightening of the neck muscles.  He’s got plagiocephaly, which is a flattening of the head,” said Jennifer Griffitts. 

Complications associated with Caleb’s torticollis and plagiocephaly have left him with mental and emotional development of a nine-month old.   

“He can’t walk, he can’t crawl, he can’t sit up on his own.  He sits in a wheelchair most of the time. If he’s here at home, he’ll sit in a little toddler chair just so that he is comfortable, or we get him to roll around on the floor and we do some exercises with him,” said Jennifer Griffitts.   

Jennifer was laid off from her job as a corporate media buyer shortly after Andrew’s deployment.  She missed a lot of work trying to manage the three kids on her own and her boss wasn’t very flexible or understanding. But despite the loss of income, Jennifer says she’s coping. 

“Before I got laid off, I felt like I was being pulled in all different directions, and I wasn’t giving my all to any of them.  So I believe getting laid off was a blessing in disguise,” said Jennifer Griffitts. 

But the daily grind of trying to manage everything alone is taking its toll.  Andrew’s parent’s live about ten miles away, but they aren’t able to help out as much as they would like.  Witnessing the emotional toll her husband’s deployment is having on her kids is the most difficult. 

“Everyday my daughter tells me how much she misses her daddy.  When she heard about her friend CJ’s dad coming home from his deployment, she said, ‘Does that my daddy’s coming home soon?’ And I said ‘No, honey. Not for a couple more months.’ ‘But I want him home, now!’ 'I know, honey. I do too,'” said Jennifer Griffitts. 

Jennifer tries to remain positive, but admits that’s an uphill battle. 

“I have to take one day at a time, because it is hard.  I’m also one of those stubborn people that doesn’t like to ask for help,” said Jennifer Griffitts.   

The Griffitts get some help through the Navy’s Exceptional Family Member Program.  Caleb’s physical healthcare is provided through the program at an Air Force hospital in San Antonio, because it’s close to where they live.  But Jennifer says that military program doesn’t provide a lot of emotional support.  

“You would think that the military would look at each family individually, but they don’t,” said Jennifer Griffitts. 

Kelly Hruska is with the National Military Family Association in Washington. She concedes that each branch of the service runs their Exceptional Family Member Programs differently, but a bill recently passed by Congress will create a single Defense Department office dedicated to helping military families like the Griffitts.  

“The Army and the Marine Corps have a very well developed Exceptional Family Member Program, where as the Navy and the Air Force are working to better establish their programs. Our association does believe that this office is going to help integrate those services a little better,” said Kelly Hruska. 

Back in San Antonio, Jennifer looks forward to the excitement generated every weekend when the kids get to talk their dad over the Internet. It’s especially important for Caleb. 

“Every time he hears Andrew’s voice on Messenger or Skype – or just on the phone, his face just lights up and he gets a smile and he starts kicking his legs and he just makes all these noises.  It’s so cute to see,” said Jennifer Griffitts. 

Andrew’s deployment is scheduled to end in December.  Jennifer hopes next year, they can all be together as a family instead of huddled around a laptop computer.